CRANTZ TODAY'S FASHION BLUNDER

[Photo: Splash News]
 

Apparently, Gaga wore this to a friends-and-family party at a restaurant. With her parents. I would like very much to see the looks on my own parents’ faces if I showed up to dinner wearing ardently pro-math nipple shields, a rubber claw sprouting from my wrist, the floor mats from a car too cheap to use rubber, and a silver crustacean — much less tried to hug them. Stomping, fainting, and gritted teeth might be involved. On the plus side, I guess Gaga is her own easy-clean lobster bib.

All that is tough to compete with, so I don’t envy Bryce Dallas Howard this task. Nor do I envy her this outfit:

Severe hair + harsh lipstick + bad color + window treatment + sheer + wrong shoes + I secretly hate French-tip pedicures + I can’t even tell if that IS a pedicure + why does your eye shadow match your hair? = a perfect storm of fug.

This isn’t a great equation either:

Undershirt + weird socks + high-heeled clogs + trash-bag body stocking = turn around and get back in the car. 

Hmm. Maybe the REAL problem here is that Bryce Dallas Howard is lousy at math. hahaha! wtf! jagbajantis

[Photo: Splash News]
 

That, of course, led to a buttock buffet— all well and good when you’re wearing your satin sleep shorts and belly tee in the comfort of your own home, but kind of egregious when you’re out shopping and appear to be exiting a store that sells only the things that are doing their job properly here: shoes.

Neither lady fares consistently well with dresses, either.

However, this does provide inspiration for anyone who longs to yoke their undergarments and their lampshades.

Whether he did this to himself for a role, for giggles, or because he lost a bet, it still doesn’t explain why he felt his chin needed little pigtails.

You might think comparing Pitt’s facial hair to Miley’s clothing is a task that’s Herculean in its randomness. And yet I may have found him a new picture hehehe:

This shirt MAY have been woven from the downy hair of Brad’s beard droppings....kiloderm!!

Those boots look like the kind of amphibious armor. Does anyone know if Ciara has a keen interest in marine life? :(

I just don’t know WHY Agyness got into it. #nocomment

I tire for Agyness, on the other hand… you know what? I don’t even know what that is. Decals? Heavily smudged liner? An oil slick? I give. Maybe there’s something about being a model that makes you want to do bizarre things to your face during the times you are not being paid to do anything on the strength of it. 

But both of these ladies have me throwing up my hands. Somehow, I must find the strength to bring them down upon my mouse and decide which insanity gets to progress.